Summer 2011

This summer has been crazy. I left high school knowing what I wanted to do with my life, with a good head on my shoulders, and headed in the right direction. I guess all of this is still true. I just kind of lost track of those things this summer. I've never been the type of person to follow the crowd. I've done my own thing and figured out what I liked best along the way. I've always been my own person, and I was proud of that. I'm not sure as to why I let myself change that amazing characteristic. I'm sorry I ever did, I can tell you that much. I hurt someone I love tremendously all because I listened to my feelings and not my head. Never before have I made such an irrational decision, or decisions I guess. Was it worth it? HELL NO!! I broke the trust some of the most important people in my life had for me. I ruined one of the greatest bounds I ever held. My poor choices can't be rectified and it'll probably never be the same again There is absolutely nothing I can do to "fix it". I hate myself because of what I let happen. I let myself be used and hurt people along the way. I refuse to give myself any excuses because I knew and know better. I was raised better. I beat myself up every single day and most likely will for a while. I feel no reason as to why I shouldn't.
One day, hopefully I'l be able to fully forgive myself. And hopefully she'll be able to forgive me as well. I understand if she can't or doesn't want to. One day, maybe I'll be able to move on. I pray daily that she is able to. That she is never hurt this way again. I pray that she can understand that I made a huge mistake and that our friendship was not all a lie. I pray a lot. Cause that's all I really know to do. God is the only one that can bring me out. I'm leaning on Him. Otherwise, I honestly don't know what would happen. I'm just sorry, and so overwhelmed with guilt and remorse.

How Sinjin Saved a Grandma From a Burning Building

Sinjin Peddicord is my best friend in the whole wide world! Why? Because he saves Grandma's from burning buildings. End of story!
Last Saturday we're riding our bikes over to McDonald's when we hear a loud cry! I'm all "Sinjin, Omg! What was that?"
And he's all "Christian, I think it was a Grandma in a burning building."
So Sinjing spins around and pops a wheelie, jumps off his bike, and runs into a burning building. I'm so scared that I'll never see him again. He could get all burned up. I hear another loud cry Then Sinjin comes running back out with a Grandma. I run to help him with the Grandma and then he runs back in to get her nine cats!! Sinjin saved the day and that's why he is my best friend.

Graduation

It hit me today that I graduate in exactly 2 weeks! Wow. And here I thought the day would never come!! High School went by so fast. It's kind of ridiculous. I'm thrilled to end this chapter of my life, and begin a new one. It's a tad scary though. Just leaving my comfort zones. I really hope that I get to go to Spelman and major in Drama!! It's my dream, and I feel like I am in such proximty to it. I just want to reach and touch it. So close.........

Prom!!!

Omg, my senior class nominated three special needs kids for prom court!!! Two girls, and a boy!! This is so exciting! I'm so pumped, this is great! It's like history or something. The best thing ever!! I'm so proud of us.

I HATE HOLLY FREAKIN ELKINS!!

Omg, Holly had the nerve to tell me today that dinasours are not real! Who is she to make a judgement like that? Was she alive when they were here? Does she have proof that they never existed? Who in the heck stunted her imagination as a child?
So it isn't a big deal that she doesn't belive in them, but she told tme that I as weird because I do believe in them. That is just so rude!! Well, what if I said I didn't believe in elfs? Obviously she is one. Her and her short self. I can't stand Holly Rose!! Oh wait, its ELKINS now. She is so stupid. Why change her name?
If this school decides to split into teams, EVERYONE will be on my side. Everybody knows that dinasours are real!! She needs to get with the picture. Come on, ask Zach Powell!
i'm no longer talkin to that traitor!! Team CHRISTIAN!!!

Ode to Juice Boxs

Juice boxs are square
Filled with delicious taste
Causing little kids to share
being too afraid to waste
they always calmed nerves
stopped yelling and screams
the bickering was a rap
juice and all its curves
sent kids to their dreams
it was time for a nap

Drinking em makes me think of the good days
when I had no cares at all
I wish they had stayed
maybe then I'd never fall
never fall from my mistakes
or stress about the smal things
I'd live on the playground
instead of the mall
Girls would be queens and guys the kings
true friendship would be found

There are many different flavors
Apple, Orange, Hawaiian, and mixed
if only it could be savored
Acting like a kid is always dissed
even though I don't know why
so many good memoried and thoughts
how are they not missed
you seem to let them die
but don't let juice boxs be mocked

I am a Willow Tree

I am a Willow Tree
expanded and used
learning from past experiences
full of knowledge
full of insight
I am a Willow Tree
carrying the weight of the world
falling from pressure and life
not always noticed, but product always seen
I am a Willow Tree

Something Original part 2

I am a random and a perserverer
I wonder why people won't be themselves
I hear screams and applauds from my tv audience
I see the entire world living up to its potential
I want be a positive example to teens

I pretend that judgements don't bother me
I feel like I'm falling apart inside
I touch my goals and aspirations
I worry that I'll give up on myself
I cry when my sister leaves for mission trips
I am random and a perserverer

I understand that life is difficult
I say that I'll make it out on top
I dream about being on the big screen
I try to give my all into everything I do
I hope to make a difference
I am random and a perserver

Open House at Spelman

I went to open house at Spelman this past weekend. I had so much fun!! I was assigned a Spel-Bound sister and we clicked so well. She is a drama major, a Christian, and loves poetry. I swear we are like the same person. I went to class with her and just hung out. There was a talent show, party, step show, and seminar. We were able to learn the ins and outs of Spelman and ask any questions. I felt so at home at that school. I know that is the school I'm supposed to be at. Now I have to work hard to raise the money to get there. That is the stressfull part. But the work has to be done for my goals to be achieved. I refuse to give up!!

"Disaster"

Disaster seems so negative. Since I'm not in a negative mood in any shape or form, I won't write about it.
I have a date to prom n ow! :) Albert, he's a Sophomore. It's kind of weird for a Senior to ask a Sophomore, but we're really great friends and he's a cool person. I enjoy his company, and I know the same would be true at prom. I'm pretty excited now! :)

"Stuck"

One time I got stuck between the stairs going down to my basement. There are huge holes between each stair. I was maybe four or five and I was going too fast down the stairs. I missed a step and landed between them. My head got stuck and I was just hanging there. Thank God that my brother's room was in the basement, so he could hear me crying. He was able to pull me out of the stairs. That has to be one of the scariest moments of my life.

My Testimony

My father is a pastor, and has been since way before I was born. So needless to say, I've been in church since the womb. Every bible study, choir rehearsal, vacation bible school, Sunday morning service, youth meeting, I've been there. From the time I was old enough to comprehend, my parents taught me the importance of Jesus in my life. At the age of four, I mad a public confession of Christ. I was baptized, the whole ordeal I don't doubt one bit that I truly believed in Jesus then. I don't think however that I knew what it meant to let God handle my problems. I was four, I probably didn't have any.
2006/2007 were very difficult years for me. All of 2006 I watched my family fall apart emotionally. My brother and dad weren't speaking to one another. My mom and dad couldn't say two words without screaming. My sister was away in college. And my freinds just didn't understand. Well one week before Christmas, my dad told us he and my mom were getting a divorce. MERRY CHRISTMAS, right? The first thing we a ssiblings did was pray. I wanted to give it over to God but I didn't now how. Instead I turned to temptataions. I started cussing, drinking, slacking in my grades, and honestly I was depressed. One day I just couldn't take it anymore and fell flat on my face before God. I said hey, things aren't any better this way so why not try God. I told Him that I didn't know how to give it over to Him so I needed His help. I'm not going to lie, everthing didn't automatically get better. My parents ended up getting back together. Only God! Of course that isn't always the case. But since then, life has been so much better! My dreams have become goals and my goals are becoming real. I've learned to take life one day at a time. It's hard, honestly it is. But since the day I really gave it to God, I don't worry about what I can do to change things. God has helped me to put my life back together. He gave me a life worth living!

My Life Today

Home life is interesting right now. Nothing that I can't handle is happening, I'm just constantly aggravated. Everything that anybody does gets under my skin so badly. I guess that's why I'm ready to leave. I need to get away, be me, without everyone breathing down my neck. I need to experience some things in my life by myself. Maybe then I'll miss home and want to come back. That's ok with me. I just need to try, ya know? Really give it a go, see if I can handle being by myself, starting my career, in an entire different state. I want to be free of the ties I have here. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and all of the people in it. I have to leave so that I can continue to love them, so I can learn to appreciate them and who they are in my life. 
I need to figure out who I am. I've been two people for so long. This girl who knows what is right and truly desires to do right, but constantly falls into the trap of the world. I need to be with people who expect nothing out of me, so I can seriously find what works for me. I don't want to keep putting on an act, but discover the young lady that God designed me to be. It excites me to have that opportunity, and I'm running for it. I just hope I'm ready. 

Something Original

It is March 25th, 2011! Wow, it is already almost April. The years seem to be moving faster and faster for me. Honestly, I feel as if it was my first day of High School just last year. These four years just flew by. That is kind of scary, because that means the rest of my life will too. I dont' know if I like it that way. I'm thrilled to be going off to college and be beginning the rest of my life. I guess I'm more afraid of forgetting where I came from. My family will always be there, and I'll always visit and love them. My closest friends, right now I believe that we'll remain close forever. But there is always the possibility that we won't though. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry. I love my friends, they make me who I am. They bring out the best in me. I want it to always be that way.
Growing up, it's hard to do. That sounds cliche, but it is so true!!! I waited so long to be a Senior and now that it's here, I'm afraid for it to end. The ups and downs of life, a roller coaster. Except instead of screaming from enjoyment, I'm screaming because I'm about to fall off.

"Quiet"

I'm a pretty loud person around my friends and family. Half of the time I don't even realize how loud I am. Other times, I am ridiculously quiet. To the point that I have an entire conversation in my head, but nothing escapes my mouth. It is always at the most inoportune times too. For instance, when my dad is screaming at me for something I didn't even do. He's really giving it to me and my only reaction are the tears streaming down my face. Or when it is the perfect opportunity to ask the guy I'm talking to, to prom and I just lay in his arms staring at him, wishing I knew what to say. Or when my sister asks me what I think about her outfit, and although it is a hot mess, I just stand there and nod my head. Sometimes I really want to stand up for myself, but it's as if I don't know how. It is the Vaught curse of wanting to be peace-makers. My mom, her  brothers and sisters, and her dad are all the same way. I've been doing a lot better lately though. I'm learning to make myself speak up. So far, the results have been positive. I'm gonna keep workingt at it. It's a process.

"As a Little Child"

When I was a child, well I still am one, but when I was younger, everything was so simple. Wake up, eat breakfast, and watch cartoons, school, nap, dinner, and bed. My biggest worry was coloring inside the lines or "she stole my best friend" I miss the days of just going through life and truly enjoying it. Oh what I'd do to be a kid again. I probably wouldn't change anything because EVERY trial and obstacle has brought me to where I am today. I would however live more. I'd go back and make sure to have fun EVERY SINGLE DAY! It couldn't hurt me.

Murder Mystery Climax

All of her co-workers stood circled around her, sipping on the freshly bottled coca-cola. The tension was so great, you could cut it with aa butter knife. All 18 eyes were blarring on her. They wanted an answer. She was the one with the sticky fingers. She had to prove herself, but couldn't seem to put the clues together.

Thump, thump, thump. Heart beating out of her chest. The room began to spin, a ringing in her ears. Struggling to put her glasses on because of the sivering of her hands. Then she saw it. The ulimate clue...
"The feather...thie ink...her hands...the writer...look at her hands," She hit the floor.
You could hear a pen drop through the silence.
Mr. Fitz, their boss walked over to the writer.
"Take off your gloves ma'am."
Slowly, finger by finger the writer stipped her hands of the gloves. To reveal blue ink and pieces of feathers stained to her palms.
"Aaaahhh," the entire room gasped. The employee was innocent afterall.

"Fading"

The worst thing to fade out is relationships. Whether that be romantice relationships, family relations, or friendships. They all suck. In middle school I mad some really great friends that I thought I'd keep for a lifetime. We've faded throughout highschool. we rarely talk or hang out. Kind of sucks. But I guess I've figured out who my life long friends will be...

"A Guide to Life"

It seems that people are constantly looking for a guide to life. They want to know the best way to do this and the easiest way to do that. No one lives for the moment nowadays. They miss out on the greatest life experiences because they are searching for away to get to that moment. I think I used to be the type of person always looking for an answer. Life was pretty dull too! When I started high school, I just stopped caring. I lived for me and took things as they came. Sure life is still difficult but I  have so much more fun. I'm not always thinking, "Well how will this affect me tomorrow?". My guide to life is to just live.

Short Story Passage

"Hey Sadies. I just wanted to say congratulations."
"Thank you Johnny."
"You're welcome. And you're looking beautiful this evening. Well you always look beautiful it's just that..."
Merceds was wearing a white and pink flowered sundress, and her hair was in a side bun.
"Johnny...Thank you. I'll see you around?"
"Yeah, I'll see you around."
Johnathan turned around and started away.
"Ugh, I can't do this," Mercedes thought aloud. She jogged after him.
"Johnny, I hate to admit this but I've missed you. This award, Paris, college, none of it could be the same with out you."
"Oh yeah? Well who's to say you won't just push me away again?"
"If I do, you push yourself back in."
"Who's to say I want to come  back in?"

"Rising Action" by Jayne Mattingly

A man named Jacques had a dog with which he was very close to, however he lived with his brother who had 2 kittens, and Jacques's dog sometimes chased the kittens around the house. So his brother decides that his dog, Sparky, had to go. So Jacques decided to walk hime around to see if anyone wanted him.

"Rising Action"

Two weeks! It has been two weeks to this day since I've ran into another human being. I've seen elephants, monkeys, donkeys, snakes, and lions. Every animal you could think of, but no humans. It isn't lilke I need them though. I have food, protection, clothes, and jewels. But I feel so lonely for some reason.
Yesterday was the worst I'd felt in a very long time. I was down on my knees praying that the good Lord woul dsend me somebody and then a butterfly landed on my shoulder. It was the most beautiful piece of nature I'd ever seen, and all I wanted was my daughter to be there to sharit it with.
So here I am today thinking about my daughter, waling along and here come these two men with a dog, out of nowhere. The say they're here to lead me home, and I follow because I just want to see my babygirl.

"Back of the Book"

Fresh out of High School, Mercedes Costellijos heads to Paris, France for an internship in the Fashion Industry. This job is everything Mercedes ever worked for all she wants to become. Her dreams are coming true and she won't stop until she reaches the top. It is in Paris that Mercedes meets the perfect guy, Johnathan and falls in love. Will this new boyfriend be a distraction to Mercedes's work? Will she be able to handle both. Will  Johnathan and Mercedes's relationship test out to handle the overbearing stress Mercedes has on her life? Will Mercedes come out on top?

"Finally"

Graduation is almost here
Finally, it seems
after so many years

I'm making my way out of this town
Heck yes, that's right
I'm college bound!

Leaving my Daddy and my Momma
and absolutely
all the lame High School Drama

It'll be so hard to say goodbye
to all of my friends
I'm sure I'll cry

But I'm on a mission
to be really me
and find Christian

Graduation is almost here
Finally, it seems
After so many years!

"Into the Deep"

Sometimes I feel as if
I'm making my way into the deep
I have no buddy or night vision goggles
although it is extremely dark

When I get down so deep
It's as if I have no directions
Yet there is something important
something important to accomplish

Hopefully and eventually
I make my way back
to the places and people
that I know I love

Even though I'm there
I feel uncomfortable
out of place
not right

Maybe what's dark
will become my light
I need to branch out
out to the unknown

Interior Monologue

God, gas is expensive! I'm serious. I'm glad I dn't drive yet. But sometimes, Dad makes me buy gas if he is taking me somewhere. He used to let me pump the gas until the last time. Some 17 year old was there getting gas the same time we were. Dad went in to get some snacks. When he came out, Austin, that's the guys names, and I were making out. Dad FLIPPED! I never heard the end of it.
But yead, gas is crazy. That's why I try to walk wherever I need to go. Unlessit is too cold. When I start driving, I don't know what I'll do.
In all reality, why isn't gas free? I mean, we buy a car, pay for repairs, tire rotations, and oil changes. Shouldn't something be free?

Strength Lies in Me!

Strength lies not in my mother
Strength lies not in my father
Strength lies in me

In my lowest moment
When others thought I should have fear
When others were ready to wipe I tear
It was God, who used me
To bring them cheer

The thought of surgery
It should have blown my mind
Instead,
I was perfectly fine

What if the doctor made a mistake?
It was my life,
With one slit he could take!

But it seemed like every time I thought about crying
God sat on my shoulder and whispered
"My child don't even think about dying"

So I found myself calm and at peace
Told everyone, "Don't worry,
I've got this"

Some thought it was a cover up
Others maybe made up
But I'm a witness that God truly cares
Cares enough to take away my scares

When I should have down
And when I should have been worried
God said, "Hey, teach my people to trust me"

For taking away my scares
And replacing them with peace
For having my back
Figuratively, and literally

God, forever
I give you me!

Hunger

Wanna know the worst time for your stomach to growl? In the middle of prayer at church! This past Sunday, February 13th, I'm sitting in the choir stand with my eyes closed, listening to Mr. Brian pray and then it happens. I feel my stomach start to rumble and I think to myself, "DON'T DO IT! PLEASE NOT NOW!"
"Grawwwall" For like 45 seconds my stomach has itself a party. I immediately look up to see if anyone noticed. The entire back row of the choir stand is staring at me. Of course I begin blushing. Then, it happens again. not twice, but six times! Oh My Goodness! This was so embarrassing. Let me tell you, that's the last time I won't eat breakfast before church!!

"Love or Whatever"

Step Up

You seriously need to

BE HONEST

Stop feeding me lies

and leading me on

Step up

Tell me how you feel

Deep, deep down inside

It really doesn't matter

how hurtful it is

Step up

I can handle the truth

I'm a big girl

I may cry for a while

But I will get over it

Step up

Step up and be a man

Quit hiding from me

Ignoring me & bewildering me

Cause that hurts worst of all

STEP UP

Venting

Sometimes it seems like no one understands me!! And I can't really blame them because they haven't sat where I sat. I had to give up the second greatest thing in my life this year because of surgery. I devoted three  years into marching band and I just had to say goodbye. Being in band kept me from taking P.E before this year. So since I've had restrictions since April, I couldn't take it this year either. I've been working on my health credit online. I'm really grateful that I still got the chance to get my credit, but it's just really annoying. I hate doing it. Some people think I have no right to complain about it because I could just not get the credit, or have to come back next year. To me though, I have every right to be upset. I had a 5 hour surgery, had no summer, missed my first prom, didn't get to do any of the things my friends got to do, gave up marching band, and couldn't run, jump, lift, or twist for and entire year. I have severe pain when it just rains, I don't get to go party with my friends, or go bowling, or swim. I was made to miss out on EVERYTHING! So don't tell me I should be positive or be more grateful. I never say anything to anybody. I didn't for like 6 months. I just cried to myself, or wrote about it, like I'm doing now. I never got that chance to be vocal. Do me a favor and PLEASE leave me alone and just let me have my pity party. I deserve that much don't I?

"Around the World"

My sister traveled around the world in 2010. She went to 11 countries in 11 months, on a mission trip. I personally think that is so radical. It really says a lot when you give up your comfort, family, and friends to help other people.
Her and her teammates could only eat  off of one dollar a day. WOW! That's what I call sacrifice! I really missed my sister a lot while she was gone. I don't know, my sister and I are extremely close. We argue a lot and bicker. But at the end of the day I know that she is the one person I can depend on to be there for me.

Least favorite Vignette

My little sister, Sally is my heart. I dreamt about her for seven months. I still remember when mom told Perer and me she was having a baby. That day I told God I wanted a little sister. I mush have been good that year because God surly gave me what I asked for. Let me tell you, she's the greatest blessing I ever received. Sally gave me the push I needed to tell on my step dad. Sally changed my life. Simple as that.

One-syllable vignette

My mom and step dad got hitched when I was three. My dad and mom split when I was born. It was good that mom found love. I loved him too, at first. Then he touched me night and night. the first night was worst of them all. I was sleep in my bed, and he came in. He pulled my sheet back and shook me.
"Wake up Drey, I need you."
"What is it Dad?" I said dad back then, since mine was not in my life.
That is when he pulled up my shirt and rubbed my back. He pulled down muy pants and hurt me! I cried and cried, and yelled stop. I knew tis was not right at age four. The next night he came back, and the next night too! I said I would tell mom, but he said she would say I lied. As much as it hurt, I did not tell. I felt so gross. One day, I could not take it. I was nine years old. I picked up the phone and called "9-1-1". That day I felt good for the first time since I was three. He went to jail and mom still loved me.

"Terror"

Once upon a time there was this ugly, horrible, awful, stupid, lame, and droll town named Nicholasville. In this town there was overall droll and terrible school called East Jessamine's School of Awfulness, ran my a floating talking purple pumpkin, with crossed eyes. It rode an ugly unicorn and made sure all the beautiful and smart students miserable. Christian, a girl who went to that school experienced a truly awful moment! She had asked her amazing friend Sinjin the Great, to write her a story about ms. Onkst. When Ms. Onkst heard this request, she posered her ultimate move, a face that inskilled pure terror to her foes. so the lovely Ms. Onkst released this look, and only one word could describe what happened. FATALITY!!! Now that's true terror.

*This story is made from the wonderful Sinjin Peddicord!!*

"Road You're Travelling On"

This road I'm travelling on
It ain't easy and it ain't straight
Has some curves and some bumps
but never would I trade this path

My life is no where near simple
In fact its hard
I have tests and trials
Temptations to overcome

Some take the easy road
Straight to their goal
Without lessons learned
And not even a fight

But because of my hard times
Because of my pain
Because of the obstacles
I truly became me

Holly and Christian TEAMWORK!!!

So today I'm like working on my blog and this wonderful thing we call "internet" decides to reboost! So immediately I'm all freaking out because what if the spectacular blogs I was just writing weren't saved! So I attempt to log back into blogspot.com and it just doesn't work. I try it like 4 times and by this point I'm just getting frustrated. I raise my hand to get the beautiful Mrs. Onkst's attention.
"Ms. Onkst. Since this stupid computer decides to restart itself, it won't let me log in!"
"Christian, I'm going to take another lap around and you see if you can figure this out all by yourself. And if you can't, I'll just pat you on the  back until it works."
"Oh, I'll do it," My good friend Holly chimes in.
So Holly begins patting my back as I spell out the letters to my email address. I type in my password saying a quick prayer. And then, IT WORKS!!!!
I'm like, "Omg Holly! You're amazing"
And this is why my not so good morning, turned out to be great!

"A Difficult Decision"

Life itself can be a difficult decision. As a senior in high school it's all abot figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Since I was 11 I've wanted to be an actress, and since I was 12 I've wanted to go to Spelman College. My parents support my dreams. Honestly, they do. But sometimes I feel like they'd rather me go to a less expensive school or major in somthing more practical. Such as some sort of science field or maybe even math since I'm so good at it. And I don't want to put myself or my parents in more debt than they already are. I'm the kind of person who follows their heart. I feel as if Spelman is really where I'm supposed to go. If that is so, I know God will open the doors to make that happen. So why I worry and stress about it, I don't really know. I just really don't want to make the wrong decision and screw over my life. Then again, how do you know if something works for you unless you try it? So I'm going to go for it and have no regrets. I won't look back, at least I hope not to. And maybe my dreams were/are practical afterall. No regrets...I'm going for it...no regrets!

The Crowded Room

A bed, dresser, armour, half bath
5 people
2 windows
no air
no life
unforgettable

Noone could talk
Only tears came streaming down our faces
What seemed  impossible
Was becoming so real
In this newly found
Crowded room

4 years a go
It happened, but
It feels like yesterday
Yes the thought still haunts me
In the crowded room

Took awhile
For my life to continue
Sleepless nights
Running away
To escape the fights

The crowded room
It finally opened up
My heart slowly mended
And the wounds healed
And slowly, very slowly
I'm forgettting the crowded room

The light is beginning to return
And I'm less frightened
More and more everyday
I guess you could say
That the problem has escaped